Begin with two minutes of stillness and silence.

If you know me well, you know that I am the most classic case of a “9” on the enneagram that there could ever be. I am a peacekeeper at heart and want everyone to be happy. As a child, this intrinsic need to please others often led me to be that “good kid” who always followed the rules and never tried to venture into anything that might be frowned upon.

Growing up in a home that highly prioritized church, I attended every Sunday and Wednesday and made it to every church event. I knew the Bible stories by heart. I knew the expectations. I had all the right answers, but I had no peace. For years, I served heavily at each church that I was a part of, believing that “the more I do, the better I am.” This wasn’t something I said aloud, but it was a narrative I had convinced myself was true. I made it through my teen and young adult years struggling to feel worthy, loved, or at peace. All the while, I was as plugged in as one could be in the church setting and even served on staff as a children’s minister at two locations.

I vividly remember taking the kids to camp one summer while I was in my early 20s. After weeks of listening to his questions and chatting with his parents, I sat with a young boy and walked him through what salvation means. I watched as he so vulnerably and fully received Christ, and I immediately felt so much sadness. Not for him, but for me. I was in awe of how he instantly began to be filled with such joy and contentment. I realized then that I wasn’t sure if I had ever really felt that way. Many similar scenarios took place over those years for me. I always just pushed back those uneasy feelings and piled on more service and “good things” to make myself feel better about it.

Then one night at 24 years old, I had just arrived home from an event at church. It was the day before Easter Sunday, and I don’t think I have ever felt so overwhelmed and heavy in all of my life. I opened my Bible and began to read over the chapters that had been used that night, just trying to make sense of what I was feeling. I came to a set of verses that I had read many times before, but suddenly, I was reading them with fresh eyes.

Ephesians 2:8-9: “For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is a gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.”

I fully believe that I read those two verses at least 100 times that night. It was that night that I realized that my works, though good, were never going to be enough to save me. In reality, if you look at the whole picture, my work had become my bondage. I had allowed them to keep me in the same place that I had been in for years, never fully relying on God, because I thought that they would be enough to give me the fulfillment that I longed for. As a peacekeeper and people-pleaser, the idea of being good enough seemed to be all that mattered to me, and I had somehow never even realized it.

Isn’t it funny? My long list of good works is what kept me from the Lord for years. I know this because they never came from the outpouring of my love and faith in Jesus. They were just what I thought I should be doing. Those works never required me to fully trust in Him and to lean on Him. They were simply a way for me to feel as if I was good enough while still holding onto the things that the Lord was calling me to let go of.

Maybe you have found yourself in a similar place, relying on your works. In verse 4 of today’s passage, we are told that we are estranged from Christ when we attempt to be justified by the law and that faith working through love is what truly wins in the end.

I have found this to be true in my own life. I invite you to get curious about the ways that you may find it to be true for yours, as well.

Take two minutes to reflect in silence before God.

Reflection:

Rather than continuing with a list of questions, I want for you to spend some time being honest with yourself about your expressions of faith and worship. Get curious about what they may be driven by. Pray over them and what might be the next steps in your faith journey.

Prayer: Lord, I pray for every person reading this today. I pray that You may reveal the areas in which they are just going through the motions and doing good works for the sake of good works. I pray that any service that might be done out of obligation will be replaced by an outpouring of love and joy that only comes from a true relationship with You. Father, I trust that You will renew their spirits to give them fresh eyes so that they may see Your goodness and experience the joy that comes with being Your child. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.